-the colours of my life-

At this moment..

Not feeling like saying.. i suddenly thought of this abandoned page. Nearly 5 years and here I am once more.
Just felt like penning it down in words...
Am I happy now?
Honestly I do feel confused at times.
We are together...but not officially..when's official? How do we suddenly appear officially?
Everyone thinks we are together...illegally I suppose..
It kinda sucks.
Thats why I really do not feel like shopping..nor going to any shopping centres in the day.
I hate being misunderstood. I dislike saying the same thing over and over again.
I detest people talking behind my back.
It is like I am a criminal and doing something wrong....which I did not.
Spending time together is really sweet and nice. But it just feels....not right. Something is just missing.
I want to go shopping hand in hand.
Hang out at some restaurant or cafe holding your hand.
Strolling anywhere holding your hand.
Telling people I am bringing my boyfriend.
You bringing me to your outings as your girlfriend and not just a friend.
Stayovers over the weekends...or staycations when we want some alone time.
Hiding is tiring. I am tired of hiding.
Sometimes I wonder if this is worth it all.
I have forgotten how to trust men.
I am scared of loving them.
I am scared of them hurting me.
Frankly speaking, it is still a fear I have yet to overcome.
I doubt myself sometimes..can I do this?
Is there really love forever, till death do us apart?

scribbled by =CaLiStA= at 6:20:00 PM