-the colours of my life-

now for the not so happy stuff..

facing expulsion is not e best news anyone can get..anyway..my AMA is like so dead..talked to mum n dad last night..dad's trying to help me..i really appreciate it..but..i've a feeling it's not gonna help much..yeah i know thats a super pessimistic thought..but..somehow i know things r not gonna turn out right..

for the umpteen time..i'll say that 2007 has been a really bad yr..seriously, i think God has put me to a BIG BIG test to test me in my 1st yr of adulthood..n i swear this sucks..it's seriously one after another..i've never felt dis way b4..i'm so suffocated i just wanna run away..from everything..n everyone..i only wanna face those i can trust..whom i know i can confide in..who can give me advice..n who i know i can rely..which rounds down to just a few..where i can count with one hand..

back abt SIM..e pple r still e same..but..e way i approach them is 10times different from how i did in April..i felt tat all tat i've been through this 6months have changed me too much..that somehow..i dont understand why i react this way..on 1 hand u can say i've matured..yet on e other hand..u can say tat i've totally lost control of myself..i've been trying really hard to pick myself up from all e falls..n i'll gladly say tat i've succeeded..

dis is e 1st time i feel tat i really wanna run away..to a place where noone knows where i am..except for e few tat i mentioned earlier on..i juz wanna cut off from this n juz look at my notes n books..no more work..no more school..no more love..no more feelings..juz me n my books..gosh..NERD?

i've already slept 3 days away..i dont wanna give up..e fighting half of me is stronger..n i know tat all i need is some discipline n determination to carry on fighting..i've already fought for 3 weeks..wat more another 3?

i really dont wanna breakdown......as i type..i feel that tightness in my chest once more..tat familiar suffocate-ness is back again..i hope someone will juz give me e strength to pull through till december 2nd..and den i can let it all go..........

i've more to say..but..i'm just so tired and sad..next time...perhaps.....

scribbled by =CaLiStA= at 12:48:00 AM